Redemption

This is a special edition of my blog. My father passed away three days ago, and I have found writing about him to be very therapeutic. I hope you will indulge me as I share a few memories of him and what his life has taught me. Being so far away from home, it is difficult grieving without my family nearby, and this is my way of honoring his memory.   I will miss him so much. He was a good, kind man. He cared about others and was humble. He loved me like no one else. He was always my cheerleader in all of my endeavors, and he always wanted the best for me and my siblings.

He was not perfect, and he admitted this—he acknowledged his faults and mistakes, and by doing so, he revealed his truth strength. In this sense he was very real—he was genuine about who he was. He never pretended to be someone he was not.  He came from a difficult childhood, growing up in a dysfunctional family in the last years of the Great Depression before World War II. He grew up in a time when men did not show their emotions—instead they showed their love by providing for their families and by going to war to protect the American people. They showed their love by putting a roof over your head and food on the table.

My father had to care for his mom and younger brothers and sisters after his father died when he was 16 and his older brothers had gone to France to fight the Nazis. He quit school to work in an airplane factory in Akron, Ohio, making planes for the war effort and providing for his family. He always regretted never finishing high school, but he did what had to be done. He always valued education, constantly telling us, “Get an education, and obtain a degree or skill. You don’t want to be a bean picker all of your life like me.”

My father also had a heart for the down-and-out.  He was an alcoholic when I was growing up, and he joined AA when I was 14 and stayed sober the rest of his life. His life was transformed by the power of God to rescue. The word “redemption” is not even strong enough to describe his change. He came to recognize his faults and began to rely on God’s strength and power rather than on alcohol. He did not talk about his faith much, but I heard him say, “Jesus was the Son of God. He died for our sins and rose from the dead. I believe this.”  He loved the Lord’s Prayer and the Serenity Prayer. After joining AA he became an advocate for other alcoholics—visiting them, helping them financially, giving them food, visiting them in prison, taking them to meetings. He believed in redemption for them, because he had experienced it himself. 

My dad had a lot of regrets concerning my childhood and that of my brothers’ and sisters’. He was often at a bar or sleeping off a few drinks rather than with us, and I know he deeply regretted it. But, I also know he loved each and every one of us deeply and would have done anything he could to help us in our need, and he was very proud of all his kids. He loved us, even if he couldn't find the words to say it. He showed us love, though, in other ways—taking us fishing (how he LOVED to fish!), teaching us to change a flat tire, cooking his famous fried chicken, baking homemade bread at Christmas (“Stay out of the kitchen,  Dad is baking!”), canning dill pickles (also famous), growing a vegetable garden, taking us down to Lake Erie to watch the sunset or to swim, taking us to Canada for vacation every summer and teaching us to swim and fish in the lake. Love is not always expressed in words, but in actions.

Redemption. My father was redeemed. The drunk became sober. Selfishness was replaced by selflessness. Fear became courage. Despair became hope. Resentment became forgiveness. And now all of his regrets have become glory. Sins are forgiven, eternal life is bestowed. The Love who called him into existence has now called him home, where he will now live in a glorified body, in perfect love and perfect relationship with others. My father’s life has taught me this: no one is beyond redemption, no one is beyond forgiveness. God’s grace is available to ALL, and only by God’s grace are we forgiven, redeemed, and made whole. Our good works will never outweigh our shortcomings, but God’s grace covers them all. Now my father walks on golden streets free from pain, sorrow, and regret, free from sinfulness. He belonged to Jesus, and now he is truly free, and he is Home.

He always had a great sense of adventure, often joking he would have been a truck driver if he could have, in order to see the world. He loved to travel, and now he is on the greatest adventure of his life, exploring the wonders of eternity. In 2005 I went on a trip to the western USA with my parents to see the national parks. My father was so giddy and excited to show me these places – he was like a kid in a candy store. It gave him so much joy to see the beauty of God’s creation, I can’t wait to get to heaven and have him show me around! I thank God for my father and his life. I look forward to being reunited with him one day, for we are not like those who grieve without hope (I Thess. 4:13-14), but our hope is in Christ, the Resurrection and the Life. My father has not simply vanished or ceased to exist, nor has he “become part of the universe” – he was part of the universe since his birth – but now he is part of something far greater and far more wonderful than the mere universe – he is now united with the Source of the Universe – the God Who is Love, the God Who Forgives, the God Who Restores, the God Who is All.

When I was saved I was finally able to forgive my parents and love them. It wasn’t until I saw myself for what I am – a sinner needing forgiveness, self-centered, selfish, unforgiving, and a bitter, wounded person who needed Jesus’ blood to cleanse and heal me - that I saw my parents for who they were, too. I had an “Aha!” moment – I suddenly realized they were JUST LIKE ME – sinners, broken, not perfect, and needing to know God’s love, mercy, and grace. They were not perfect, and I could NOT expect them to be. God flooded my heart with compassion for them that day – they also needed to know about Jesus, about his unconditional love and sacrifice for THEM! I had to tell them the Good News! I know my family thought at first that I was crazy and had gone off the deep end, but I have had the joy of seeing both my mom and dad receive the love, grace, and forgiveness of God and profess belief in Christ as their Savior. If you are dealing with hurt, anger, unforgiveness, resentment, or pain – I have Good News for you: Jesus died to forgive, restore, and heal us, and to bring us together – for we are all equal at the foot of the Cross – parent, child, husband, wife, friend, enemy. Our brokenness and sinfulness is what is common to man, and the Good News is that it was never meant to be this way – and Jesus died to redeem and restore what was lost. There is forgiveness, healing, and restoration at the Cross, for ALL who will come. There is no sin too great, no shame or humiliation that is beyond his power to forgive and restore, and there is no wound too deep for him to heal. He is able, and to all He says, “Come!”

Coming out to the field was not an easy decision for me. I knew I was following Jesus, but leaving my family, especially my father, was the hardest thing I have ever done. I rested and continue to rest in the truth that although we are separated now for a little while, we will be reunited in eternity and will live together with Our Shepherd forever.  My father is now one of the “great cloud of witnesses,” and I believe if I could hear him, he would be cheering me on to finish the race strong, telling me not to give up, to share the Good News of God’s love and redemption with those around me who have never heard, because Jesus is WORTHY, because Jesus longs to spend eternity with them. Jesus is worth it, Jesus is enough. My father’s faith is now sight, and I know that he now knows that Jesus is worth all the heartache, pain, and struggle. I’m keeping my eyes on Jesus, the One Who Cannot Lie, and the JOY that is set before me. I will see my father again.

Rest in peace, my beloved Father. I know you are in the BEST PLACE, a place beyond our dreams and imagination. You are beside the River of Life, resting in the room in His mansion that he prepared especially for you. I love you, and I will see you later.