God has been doing a great work in my heart recently, and I want to share with all of you how He has been healing me through Theophostic Prayer Ministry. If you have never heard of TPM, then I will give you a short summary of the process. The word “theophostic” is translated “God’s Light.” When we have negative emotions that rise to the surface, this is an indication that we believe a lie about ourselves, about others, or about God. In TPM, you are encouraged to allow the negative emotion to be “the bridge back to the belief.” Typically, lies are planted in us as children when bad things happen to us or are said to us. The emotion takes us back to the memory of the negative event. As we explore the memory, we try to determine the lie we believe. Some common lies I have encountered in my own life include, “You are worthless and defective; You are all alone; There is no one to defend you.” Once we identify the lie, we ask Jesus into the memory and to show us His Truth concerning our belief. When Jesus shines His light and reveals truth, the darkness has to flee, and the lie is destroyed by His Truth. This brings healing and wholeness. Every negative emotion potentially has a lie associated with it, and we need to “take an account” of each one to be free.
Below are some visions and images that Jesus has used to set me free from some lies I have believed. I am not sharing the memories that led to believing these lies, as I have forgiven all those who have hurt me, and I do not wish to incriminate them. My hope in sharing this is that others will seek the healing and freedom that comes from allowing Jesus to reveal his Truth to us. The memories are often painful and hard to remember, but by “embracing the pain” we can actually be set free from it. God is Good, and He wants us whole and healed; He wants us to know His shalom shalom – perfect peace.
“Root of Oppression”
Prayer to Jesus:
Jesus, please come heal my heart from these ugly lies I have carried my whole life - "It's my fault if things go bad; I have to keep people happy; I have to prove I am good; it's my responsibility to redeem my family, to make them happy and safe. I have to be in control."
Jesus speaking to me:
No! I am on control! These are all lies. You are not me! These things are not your responsibility! You are not god. Let go and let me be in control. I AM Healer! I AM Redeemer! I AM King! I AM!
I have a flashback to my childhood: I am lying in bed and crying next to the window, listening to the train go by about 2 miles away. I remember praying and begging Jesus to help me. Jesus enters my room, sits down on the bed and lifts me into his arms. He wraps his cloak around me, and I weep into his chest as a little girl. He tells me he is there and he is with me, will always be with me. The responsibility is his, not mine. He is in control, not me. He tells me one day my heart will be healed of all the lies that have been planted. These lies took root in me and became a nasty, invasive, thorny bush with entwining vines on my heart. Jesus holds me and tears stream down his face as he weeps over my lost and broken childhood. He whispers, “This was never meant to be.”
There is a flash and I am in the throne room of God. An image of my 'heart' is lying on the floor with this ugly thorny, vine-like bush growing from it. Jesus is standing over it. It is the lie that I am to blame, that I am responsible for other people’s choices and feelings. He asks, "Do you want me to remove it? It will hurt and in the soil there will be a gaping wound, but I will fill it with new seeds - of hope, love, joy, peace, laughter, freedom, goodness and more, and I will water those seeds with my tears." Breathless, I whisper, "Yes, Lord." Jesus quickly snatches the bush and all of its roots out of my heart. I am wrenched and set free. I see the bush in Jesus' hand and it dissolves and blows away. I see light shining through the scar in his hand. He runs to the throne of God and scoops into his hands hundreds – thousands - of seeds that look like grains of wheat. He runs back to my heart, tears streaming from his eyes and pours the seeds into my heart. And his tears water them. My heart is healed and seeds immediately begin to sprout. Jesus looks downs and smiles. Suddenly I am lying there in front of Him. He offers me his hand and raises me to my feet. He says, "You are longer Forsaken or Desolate. You are Hephzibah and Beulah - My Delight is in You and your land has been Married." He turns and fiercely declares, "Satan, you will no longer torment this Beloved Child of Mine with these lies."
I flash back to the scene in my childhood bedroom. Jesus, still weeping, holds me and looks down and says, "One day you will know your life is pure grace and you will be free, and I will give you back the years the locust have eaten. You will be a fragrant garden of choice fruits. Your fragrance and fruit will draw many to Me, for I will dwell in your garden. You will be a garden of delight for many and my light will touch the nations through you. My water will be a cleansing stream of refreshment for many. I have done this. I AM has done this. I Am Who I Am, and You are My Beloved, You Are My Own, and I am Jealous for You."
I flash back to throne room of God: Jesus and I are glorified, and He dances with me to the song "How He Loves Us." Us. We turn and invite others to join us - and thousands of others - who are also glorified, and we ALL dance with Him.
“Enough.”
I have an image of myself as a child locked in the dungeon of a tower. I hear Jesus say, "Enough!"
The Tower explodes from the inside out.
I am in the dungeon - a little girl - in chains. Jesus comes and sets me free, picks me up, holds me against his chest, and tells me I am not guilty - I am not to blame - it is not my fault - there is NO SHAME -I am free - it is not my responsibility. He says He will give me back the years the locusts have eaten. This is a very gentle and tender moment - a little girl with her True Father whispering truth into her ear as she sobs against his shoulder
Jesus whispers, “I want to take you to a wide and spacious place where there are no restrictions - beside quiet waters, where the grass is green, the sun is warm, and you are free to run, free to be a child again, with no societal or cultural rules, just freedom to be who you were meant to be. The landscape of your soul is becoming a lush garden, filled with joy, hope, freedom, and beauty, where there is no guilt, no shame, no anguish.”
He carries me up and out of the dungeon and before me is a broad and spacious plain, beautiful to behold. I turn to look at Him, and I see the nail scars in his hands and the thorn scars on his brow - and I bow my head and whisper “Thank you.” He leans his forehead against my forehead, we are face to face, and we share a moment of knowing - a moment of love and grace too deep for words. Grace. All Grace. I once was lost, but now I am found. I once was blind, but now I see. His grace delivered me, and all my fears relieved. He has triumphed over my Enemy. I once was a victim, but now, Christ has won my victory.
“Grace Alone”
Lies: “People who are more defective than me are condemning and judging me; I must defend myself.”
Jesus: The people you have been condemning are my Beloved, too. They, too, are justified and glorified. They are forgiven. My blood covers them. They, too, have infinite value and worth. You need to confess your pride and self-righteousness and lack of love. You have been keeping a record of wrongs. Confess and repent, and forgive those who hurt you.
I have an image of meeting a woman from my childhood who hurt me very deeply, for whom I have held hatred in my heart for almost 30 years, in heaven. We meet, and we look exactly alike – we are glorified and we are shining like stars. As we meet we hold hands and have a moment of understanding: “In His Light We See Light.” We both realize that we are both there only by God’s grace and goodness - and everything that happened on earth is insignificant and irrelevant in this place. Here, we all belong, we are all loved, no one has to prove himself or herself, we are all the favorite, there is no competition to be right or to be the best. We are all brothers and sisters living in the light of God's Perfect Love. There is no fear, anguish, or regret, and all grudges and pain are forgotten in the light of the knowledge that we are His, and we are here by His grace and favor alone (my fear and need to prove myself vanish like mist, my self-righteousness and pride are shattered and dissolve like snow). We are all Sons of God and we are all Brides of Christ - no male, no female, no slave, no free, no black, no white, no married, no single. In His Kingdom, we are ALL His. And that is enough.
