The Goal

Well, I am long over-due for a blog posting. I have been on a sort-of-self-imposed hiatus the past few months.  There are several reasons for this, but I think the main reason is that God has been calling me to go deeper with Him and to practice the disciplines of silence and hiddenness, in order to teach me more about abiding in Him and sharing in His oneness. At the beginning of the summer, I believed God was calling me to go deeper in the ministry of intercession, but as the season progressed I found myself more and more contemplating abiding in Him, remaining in the vine as His little branch, and seeking the oneness with Him that Jesus promises in John 15-17.  I now understand that God was preparing me for true intercession through this time of learning about abiding and oneness in Him. How can we pray as Jesus prays, Our Great Intercessor, unless we are one with Him in mind, soul, and spirit?

Half way through the summer, the Lord gave me two prophetic dreams, each about one week apart.  They were so intense I woke up from them and could not go back to sleep but could only pray and seek His face. Both were about a wedding. In the first dream, I was at my parents’ home where I grew up, and we were getting ready to go to my wedding. The only thing I was concerned about was finding my shoes. I was just obsessed with finding the shoes, to the point that I couldn’t remember what time the ceremony started, and I was pretty nonchalant about it (“Oh well, we’ll be late, we can cancel if we need to. Where are my shoes?” And I totally had the time wrong! What bride does not know what time the wedding starts?)  The main thing I realized after I woke up was that I had no idea who I was marrying and was unconcerned about him.  I wasn’t even that excited about the wedding.  As I talked to others about this dream and prayed about it, two interpretations became obvious. First, the dream is, in some ways, about the state of the church.  We are majoring in the minors. Instead of being concerned about Our Groom and seeking oneness with Him, we are self-centered and focused on less-important things. Second, as I prayed through this dream the Lord showed me that it was about my own spiritual formation to Christlikeness and my own sanctification. Do I want God? Do I want oneness with Him? Or am I still self-focused and concerned about what the world thinks about me rather than what God thinks about me and wants of me? Am I still trying to be in control of my sanctification (as if un-holy me could actually sanctify myself)? Or am I willing to trust God to draw me into oneness with Himself and to keep me “hidden in Christ in God?” Do I trust that it is His work, that HE is faithful, that HE will do it?

As I prayed through this dream and all God was showing me, He gave me a second dream. In this dream, it was the night before my wedding, and in this dream the Father of the Groom came to see me, just me, and he gave me a gift – a wedding dress for me to wear. It was a very simple, short, white linen dress with some vines embroidered on it in shades of green. It was not fancy – nothing at all like what the world considers a beautiful or appropriate wedding gown. The dream was totally opposite the first one in emotion. In the first, the whole affair seemed tainted, gaudy, imperfect, just a show for the world, and a complete act of self-centeredness on my part. In the second dream, the encounter was perfect, and I knew the moment was pure, holy, and sacred. The focus was not on me, but on the one who stood before me and on the groom. The second dress was life-giving, a symbol of holiness and purity, whereas the first dress and the shoes were a representation of the shallowness and un-holiness of the world and what the world considers important. In the second dream I had no need for shoes – for my entire focus was on the Groom and His desires and being perfect for Him and Him alone.  What the world thought about me was insignificant and did not matter.  The interpretation of this dream came from the Lord a few days later in a time of solitude and silence.  The Father showed me that He was the Father of the Groom, and that the gift He was offering me was to be clothed in the Holy Spirit as preparation for oneness with the Son, and through the Son, oneness with the Father. God was showing me that unity with Him is a gift, it is not something we can earn or can work towards. We simply must surrender to Him and accept His sanctification as a pure, holy, offering.  I also saw how God simply delights in offering us this beautiful gift of Himself. His desire is that we would be conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29) and that we would be one with Him (John 17).  I also saw that this oneness with God,  finding our holiness and purity with Him, was the greatest aim, the most important goal of our existence. Once you have encountered God like this, nothing and no one else will do. He is All, and all your longing and desire is for Him.

Just think on this, take time to contemplate the truths that Jesus speaks about in John 15-17. We are invited into the dance of the Trinity – to literally be one with God Himself.  The word Jesus uses for this oneness is perechoresis which literally means “to dance within or to whirl within.” The Father, Son, and Spirit invite us into this dance – to be their bride and to be one with them in mind, heart, soul, and spirit. What a thought! This Holy God, this Author of Grace, this Source of All Goodness, the Purest Love, the One who defines Himself as Love, invites us - poor, wretched, fallen sinners - to be one with Him through the blood of the Lamb, which not only saves us, but also sanctifies us. When I think of this, I just want to fall to my knees, place my face on the ground, and offer all of myself to Him in complete and absolute surrender. What a holy and awesome God we have, to love us THIS much! 

A couple of weeks ago I was at worship at Bethel, and the Lord spoke to my heart once again, “Your goal has been revival, but it should have been Me. I AM the Goal.”  I stood in adoration and silence before Him. He was right. The Goal is God. Oneness with Him. Abiding in Him. Christ in us, the Hope of glory.  Revival is just one means to lead us towards this one goal.  It is not that we shouldn’t pray for revival, but the one thing for which we must pray and set our hearts is oneness with Him - to have His very character and heart formed in us, to desire and want Him above all things, to desire to be clothed in Him and to walk as His Beloved in purity and holiness, abiding in Him every moment, having Christ manifest Himself through us as we live solely for Him. 

Come Holy Spirit, invite us into the dance of the self-giving love of the Trinity, and give us the desire to surrender wholly to You, to be yours and yours alone.  Give us, O Christ, the desire to have your very mind and heart formed within us. Draw us into yourself that we may be hid in Thee and love Thee with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. You are All, and may we long for Thee as the deer pants for water. Give us the courage and strength to reject the world’s ways and to deny ourselves so that we may be wholly yours, and yours alone.  Keep us, O Divine Father, in the Vine. Prune us and tend us so that we may bear fruit that brings glory to Your Holy Name. Grant us the faith to trust you to do the work in us and through us. Teach us true humility and true holiness, that we may be one with Christ. May we not be self-seeking, but ever seeking after You, for You, and You Alone, are the Goal of all.

Love, Choice, the Church, and Chik-fil-A

I put this on facebook last week but have not had time to bring it to the blog until today.

The Chik-fil-A controversy has led me to some reflection over the last few days. First, I want to admit that I was caught up in the hype. Personally, the only thing that upset me was the boycott of the chain based on their beliefs. We live in a capitalistic country, which means we have always based our economy on FREE ENTERPRISE, and we have based our purchasing on the highest quality products at the best prices. Period. I think it would be hypocritical for me to boycott CFA because of their stance on marriage and then go down the street and buy food from an Italian Catholic , or to buy produce from an Amish farmer, or to buy falafel from a Muslim, who all believe the same thing (I just don't know it because I have not asked). Are we going to develop an economy that is totally pro-gay marriage and one that is not? Our country simply could not function that way, and I personally do not have the time to ask every owner of every establishment what they believe and what causes they support. And I know no one who does. No one.

I also became deeply disturbed as I saw all the lines at CFA yesterday in support of the chain's stance on gay marriage. It made me sick really, and I will admit that I cried. I cried because God's people were not acting like God's people. God's people act out of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, not out of PRIDE. That's right - pride - I did not say hate. I do not think all those people hate gays, but I also do not think they were acting in love. They were acting out of the desire to be right - which is pride, and which is the opposite of love as defined in 1 Cor. 13.:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Cor. 13: 4-7

Regardless of our feelings, we Christians need to begin to respond out of a spirit of love and compassion. We need to stop being so quick to get on the band wagon before we have all the facts, and above all we need to spend time praying and seeking God so that we know and understand HIS heart. I wonder how many people actually stopped and prayed and asked God if they should go to Chik-fil-A yesterday? Only by seeking God and asking Him to reveal Himself and His character to us will we be transformed to live and to be like Christ in this world. I saw thousands of people yesterday, and I don't think they were acting very much like Christ, who went to the Cross and died for the whole world and NEVER opened His mouth. He was the example of true holiness and humility as the Lamb of God, and we are to be like Him. Like I mentioned in my status, I was also disgusted, because I hold prayer meetings all the time, and usually I can only get 5-6 people to show up, but yet yesterday thousands turned out for this. What? You will support a fast food chain and wait in line for hours, but you will not take time to pray ONCE A MONTH FOR ONE HOUR? Seriously? It makes me sick. I am being real here. The church needs to wake up and start focusing on God and not the world. We need to seek Him and stop getting so caught up in worldly politics. The church fights its battles on its knees. The reason the church does not pray is because it does not want God - it wants to be right (there's that pride again rearing its ugly head) - and because people lack the faith to believe that God really IS all-powerful and all-good and REALLY WILL answer prayers prayed in HIS WILL. We need faith, church. It is time to WAKE UP!

I also want to say this about Christians being involved in politics and about America as a "Christian country." As far back as I can tell from the Bible, God has always given people choices: to love Him or to hate Him, to follow Him or to walk away, to accept Him or to deny Him. God has always given this choice and will continue to do so until the final judgement. The Church, as the Body of Christ, DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE THIS CHOICE AWAY FROM PEOPLE. Only God will have the final say. He even gave this choice to the Israelites, His chosen people and treasured possession: “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19

We have a choice to love and follow God or not. God makes it clear that He is a Jealous God, and that to love Him means we will obey Him. Some people have chosen another path. That is their right. We live in a secular country that guarantees freedom of religion. Thus, we do not have the right to impose our beliefs on others, whether they are gay, straight, Muslim, Wiccan, Pagan, Atheist, Buddhist, or Hindu. Last time I checked, our government was "by the people, for the people," and that means that the majority will pass the laws they want. Sometimes we will not like it. Previously the federal government out-lawed gay marriage. We may not like it, or we may like it, but our chosen form of government has decreed it, and we must follow that legislation whether we agree with it or not. Along with this, I think the Church needs to understand that it IS SEPARATE from the government. Jesus did not change the world using politics, He changed the world by loving one person at a time and by dying on the Cross and rising from the dead. Jesus did not tell us to go out and form our own country, He told us to go out and tell the world about Him and His love and His death and resurrection. How many of those people yesterday at Chik-fil-A have shared their faith this month or fed the hungry, clothed the naked, visited the sick and those in prison? Jesus did not tell us to protest, but He did tell us to do all those other things. I don't know how much CFA made yesterday, but wouldn't it be wonderful if they donated that money to an organization that fights to end poverty? That brings clean water and sanitation to the 2-3 BILLION people in the world that need it? What if all those people used their cash to help save an orphan in Africa instead of pridefully saying to the gay community, "We do not accept you. You are not welcome?" Yes, I know people will say that was not the intent, but that was indeed the message that was sent to the gay community. They heard "We hate you." Even now, I am starting to cry just thinking about how hurt and wounded my gay friends are because of yesterday.

Lastly, I want to say this to the Church. Our battle is NOT against FLESH AND BLOOD. It is against the ONE enemy of us all - Satan - and his forces of darkness. Instead of attacking the masses of hurting humanity, we should be on our knees praying against Satan and his forces and interceding for the world that God loves. The church has been majoring in the minors. We need to pray and confront the Enemy, not other people, and we need to spend more time seeking God and seeking to know and understand His heart. He is a holy God who is perfect and beautiful and good and loving, and He longs to spend eternity with EVERY person He has created. As His followers, we are to tell others about this great God and His love and holiness, but we cannot do that accurately or correctly unless we are praying, interceding, and studying the word of God and are filled with His Holy Spirit. The CHURCH needs revival, not the nation. Revivals are always for the Church. God wants us to want HIM and to know Him, and from that place of abiding in Him, to allow Christ to manifest Himself to the world through us. We need to stop wasting time focusing on politics and start spending our time on our knees and loving others.

To my gay friends and relatives: I am sorry about yesterday. I am sorry you have been hurt by the church. Please know that God loves you and has a plan for you, that Jesus died FOR YOU, just as you are, and He longs for relationship with you. Please do not judge Jesus by His followers. We are sinners, too. We are filled with pride, contempt, envy, and lust, too. We are not perfect and we often get it wrong. Yesterday was an epic FAIL for the church. May Jesus bless you abundantly and may you know His love, kindness, and compassion.

Grace, and a Child of God

This is the eulogy I gave for my mom's memorial service yesterday.

Grace, and a Child of God

Usually at funerals you hear eulogies that speak of all the things a person did in their life, their likes and their dislikes, and funny stories about them.  As I was considering what to share about my mom, I started thinking about the word ‘identity.’ What gives a person their identity? Their actions? Their words? Their interests? Their education? Their DNA? Their career?  I would like to suggest that our identity is MORE that all these things, for when we pass away, all these things are left behind. So, what makes us who we are? What gives us our true identity?  For my mom, I know she found her identity - her true identity - in one thing – she was created by God and was His own. She was a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ.

Mom loved to sew, to cook, to read. She was fanatical about keeping the kitchen clean. She loved gardening and watching birds. She was a wife, mother, grandmother, and aunt – but she was more than all of those things.  One of the most memorable days of my life was August 1, 2000.  On that day I listened to my mom stand up and share her story before she was baptized. She was 72 years old, and she wanted to declare before the whole world her identity – that she had chosen to follow Jesus, that she was buried and resurrected with Him in baptism.  If you knew my mom well, you know she was terrified of water.  She was so afraid of drowning. When we were kids and we would go to Canada every summer, she would make us wear these ski belts 24-7 because she was sure we would fall in the lake and drown until we learned to swim (we hated those things!).  But yet, here she was, at the age of 72, willingly being baptized by immersion. Why? Why would she choose to do that when she had already been baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church?  I think I can say with confidence that Mom chose to do this because she finally understood GRACE.  It’s a concept most people, including many of us raised Catholic, do not understand.  I confess, that as a child I never understood the words to the hymn “Amazing Grace.”  What is this grace that Mom discovered?  The simplest definition is “gift.”  Sometimes it is defined as “unmerited favor.”  In other words, it is getting something YOU DO NOT DESERVE. It is getting something YOU DID NOT EARN. 

You see, in Mom’s testimony, she told how she never felt good enough, that God could not possibly love or accept her, like she never fit in – even in a family of 10 children she felt alone and unwanted.  As an adult, those feelings continued – especially when we moved to Euclid from Akron.  There she felt like she could never be good enough, like she would never fit into her new home and community. But then, she learned about grace – God’s gift of His love, His forgiveness, His mercy, His desire for her – and God’s gift of eternal life through Jesus  Christ. She learned that God loved her so much, He was willing to become man, live a perfect life, and die on the Cross and rise from the dead for her.  We sing a song in our chapel at Bethel College, and part of it says, “There is a love forgetting my failures, there is a hope that’s setting me free.”  Mom found that love, that hope. She knew that through Jesus she was forgiven – that all of her failures were forgotten, that all of her mistakes were erased by Jesus’ blood.  She finally realized that GRACE is a GIFT.  There was NO TEST TO PASS, NO GRADE TO EARN.  All of her F’s in life were turned into A’s.  A’s of acceptance, approval, adoption, amazement, and adoration.

Mom was not perfect, and she would not want me to stand here and say she was. She had learned humility.  She knew she wasn’t always the best wife, mother, grandmother, or daughter – and she regretted those things.  In her final years, she was trying to become more like Jesus - she desperately wanted to be like Him. But, with all of her failures, she now found joy, hope, and peace.  Her F’s were turned into A’s.  She knew she was ACCEPTED by God just as she was – He would NEVER reject her. She was APPROVED by Him. She knew the Christian life was not about being good, about following rules, about winning God’s approval – she knew she was approved not because of her good works, but because of Jesus’ sacrifice.

She also knew she was ADOPTED by God.  We are all spiritual orphans, but through trust in Christ, God gives us the right to be called His children.  In Romans 8:15-17, it says this, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Adoption, and by Him we cry, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are God’s children, then we are also heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.”

In the Roman world, people did not adopt babies and children like we do now – they adopted adults so that they could have someone carry on their family name and receive their inheritance. In other words, what Paul is saying here is that my mom was adopted by God the Father and received a new identity in Christ. She became a member of His family with all the rights and privileges of a natural born son. The laws regarding adoption in Rome also gave the person such a new identity that they had all of their former debts forgiven.  They literally were a new person with a new identity.

For those adopted by God, this means we, too, have a new identity  - we are His children and co-heirs with Christ.  We receive the same inheritance as Jesus and all of our sins are forgiven.  So, as someone who was accepted, approved, and adopted by God, Mom could be nothing less than AMAZED at His grace, His love, and His forgiveness.  This amazement also led to ADORATION.  She loved to worship Jesus.  She wasn’t perfect, she made many mistakes, but through Christ she finally knew she BELONGED, that she was LOVED, that she was FORGIVEN, that she was being made NEW.

A few years ago I was at a conference when a speaker asked us to spend 5 minutes in silence and contemplation.  During that time God gave me a vision of Jesus standing and holding my 80-year old mother.  Her back was to me, and He was looking at me, and the look in His eyes was FIERCE.  He was holding her tightly and his eyes said, “She is MINE.  I AM jealous for her. I always protect my own.”  I told Mom about this vision, and she cried and thanked me. It was  assurance for her that she was HIS OWN.  Her identity is this: She was God’s, His child. Now she is with Him for eternity, worshipping the Savior she so loved.  We are going to listen to a song that Mom loved. I used to watch her close her eyes and raise her hands over her head when she sang this song. She was AMAZED by God’s Love. He was her King, and she adored Him.

My hope and prayer is that we will learn from my mom’s life that WE ARE LOVED.  There is NO TEST TO PASS. We are FORGIVEN, ACCEPTED, and APPROVED by Him.  Through Christ, God adopts us and makes us His own.  May Mom’s life be a reminder to us that our identity is more that our interests, our actions, and our labels.  Our identity stays with us for eternity.  From before time God whispers to us, “I love you. You are My own. You are My Beloved.”

Heaven is not full of ‘perfect’  people.  It is full of prostitutes, drug addicts, alcoholics, tax collectors, and other imperfect people. But they all have one thing in common:  they believed and trusted in Christ’s sacrifice for them, and they exchanged their old identity for the Spirit of Adoption. They are His, and they share in His glory.  Mom is now with them, rejoicing forever.

In 1 Corinthians 13 we are given a depiction of God’s eternal love – of how HE loves US.  It is an exhortation by Paul to his people to be people of LOVE.  It is familiar to many: “Love is patient, love is kind, it is not rude, it does not boast. It always trusts, hopes, perseveres.  It never fails.”  Paul tells us that one day we will be perfect, but for now we see through a glass darkly. I used to tell Mom that my great hope of heaven was not mansions or streets of gold, or even the River of Life, but rather, my great hope of heaven is that there we will be perfect – we will have perfect love and perfect relationships. We will KNOW as we are known.  I look forward to the day I will be with Mom and other loved ones in heaven where we will love one another perfectly and forever.

No Great Thing

I recently asked my Facebook friends to respond to the question, “What is the best thing you have ever done with your life?”  Only 5 people responded, which surprised me. Do people not think about their lives and what they have done?  I asked the question because I have been pondering a statement made by Mother Teresa: “You can do no great thing, only small things with great love.”  On a recent trip to Kenya, I had the opportunity to do many small things in order to show love to Kenyans, and the trip made me start thinking about the “best” moments of my life.  For me, they really are the moments where I was simply a vessel for God’s Spirit to show love to others. 

The first moment that came to mind was simply sitting on the floor across from a beautiful young Tajik woman and talking to her about Jesus, sharing my story with her and listening to hers. It was no great thing to do this – but it was a moment where Christ was living in and through me (I call these ‘sanctified’ moments). Within a year this young lady was calling Jesus her Savior and Lord, and all I did was eat lunch with her and tell her about Him. No great thing. In my last blog I talked about sharing with Martha, the elderly lady in Alabama, that God loves her and is with her. No great thing.

Last year for my mom’s 83^rd birthday I bought her something she always wanted but which I had vowed I would never buy – a gazing ball for her garden.  Yes, I have a very strong aversion to lawn ornaments, especially gazing balls! But, the Lord spoke to my heart and reminded me that it’s not about me, and that this would be a tangible way to show my mom how much I really loved her. Hence, I bought her the biggest bright red gazing ball I could find.  Mom loved it and put it in her flower bed.  Hopefully every time she looked at it she remembered how much I loved her. I lost my mom on April 15^th, and I am so thankful I listened to the prompting of the Spirit and bought her what she wanted before she passed away.  No great thing.

In Kenya I had the chance to hold a couple of sick little girls at different times for a short amount of time – all they wanted was to be held, and perhaps, too, they were longing to be loved, to know that someone cared. I should mention that one had a damaged eye and the other peed all over my leg and had a lot of snot running down her face (all who know me know that I am pretty squeamish when it comes to such things), but I knew they just needed some comfort and compassion, and so I held them.  As I held them and prayed over them, I began to cry – and it seemed as though Jesus was weeping through me – for them, for Africa, for all those living in poverty, for all those suffering from treatable illnesses, for all those who will go to bed hungry tonight, for all the orphans without mother or father to hold them and love them.  No great thing.

So, the best moments for me – the “great” things – really have been small things done with great love – and not even my love, but Christ’s love through me. So, perhaps the only way to be truly great is to become nothing – to become an empty vessel for the Holy Spirit to fill and to pour out. Is this not what we were meant to be? Made in God’s image? Isn’t that the point of our redemption – to be like Christ and to be sanctified, allowing His Presence to live in and through us?  Truly, the moments when God shows up and lives through me are the only holy moments of my life. How I hope and pray for more of them!

How different this view is from the world’s!  When asked “What is the best thing you have ever done with your life?”  I am sure many would have expected me to say “Earned my PhD,” or “Received tenure,” or “Published scientific papers,” or “Traveled abroad,” or any number of other “accomplishments.”  But really, those things pale into insignificance in comparison to those moments when Jesus lives through me.  Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”  I am learning that the only way to be great, to do anything of consequence, is to simply abide in Him moment-to-moment, becoming nothing so that He is All.  All of my own trying or striving to be great, to make a name for myself, means nothing and will not bear fruit that lasts. 

May I live my life in reckless abandonment to the One Who Became Nothing (Phil. 2:7) so that He may live in me and love others greatly through me. Truly His Presence living in us is the only way to holiness.

“You can do no great thing, only small things with great love.”

The Least of These

The least of these.

Have you ever felt unwanted?  Have you ever been the last one chosen for a team?  Have you ever felt like you were incompetent and worthless?  I can honestly say I have felt all these things in the last few weeks.  It really started out from feeling unwanted to participate in an activity planned by others, but it ended with me feeling incompetent yet grateful for my incompetency.  I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. 

Over spring break I had the opportunity to travel to Birmingham, Alabama with a team of students to help with tornado relief.  There God turned upside down (actually right side up) my understanding of what it means to build the Kingdom of God and what it means to be a leader in the Kingdom.  These students were not the “elite.” We were not the most intelligent, the most gifted, the most knowledgeable, the most equipped team in the world.  Most of us had never done any kind of construction work before. ( I honestly confess that I usually do not volunteer for “service” mission trips because I feel so inadequate and useless.)  However, I learned through this trip that these are EXACTLY the kind of leaders that God is looking for to build His Kingdom.  Why?  Because in order to succeed in our mission, we needed complete dependence on God. We couldn’t rely on our abilities or skills, but simply had to trust him. 

At one point in the trip I had the opportunity to talk to an elderly lady named Martha.  It was while we were tearing off and replacing a roof on a house.  I was feeling pretty useless and inadequate regarding construction (primarily because I did not feel safe on the roof of the house), so I started talking to Martha.  Martha shared with me how she lost her home to the tornado and was now living with her daughter and son-in-law.  As she spoke through her tears, it was easy to discern that she felt unloved, unwanted, and overlooked.  It broke my heart, and I encouraged her and promised her I would pray for her – I told her she was not alone, that Jesus loved her and would not leave her, and that now she has a sister in Indiana praying for her, too.  I was the one in tears before we finished talking. One of the reasons I started to cry was because I realized Martha was “one of the least of these” that Jesus talks about in Matthew 25: “Whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done for me.”  It was the most sanctified moment of my life – I knew it was all Jesus living in me and through me and reaching out to this lonely widow, it was not me at all.  This experience gave me a greater understanding and desire to be more aware of those around me who may be one of the least of these.

After the trip I realized I needed healing from lies that I believed about God, myself, and the world, and so I did some theophostic prayer ministry on myself.  God took me back to a memory I had as a child of wanting to play kickball with a group of kids from my school. It was obvious they did not want me to play with them, and they were mean to me.  I realized that in this situation I believed the lies that I was unwanted and worthless and overlooked, despite my abilities and skills (yes, I was pretty good at kickball J).  I asked Jesus to show me the truth about these beliefs.  What he showed me rocked my world and completely changed my point of view.  I had a vision of Jesus taking me to the side and saying, “I want you on my team, but you must understand that my team is not made up of the best, the elite. If this was a baseball team, my team would be made up of the slowest runners, the weakest hitters, the worst fielders.  I would have the slowest runner be my lead-off man.  My weakest hitter would bat clean-up. The worst fielder would be the short-stop. The one with the worst aim would be the pitcher.  My team is made up of the outcasts, the misfits, the incompetent, the least of these.  And it is through the least of these that I build my Kingdom.  Why?  Because they are God-dependent. They know they have no chance of success unless I do the work in and through them.  God receives the glory, and they rejoice with me.  The world’s view success is backwards...it is not the powerful, popular, and successful that I am looking for to build my Kingdom, but the least of these.  They also know that the game is not really a competition – it is not about winning.  It is a chance to be together, to enjoy one another, to build relationships.  It is the same way in my church.  It is not about winning, but about loving one another and rejoicing together. I am not looking for the best and the brightest, but the weakest and the humblest…the least of these. Come, join my team.”

This encounter with Jesus radically changed me and opened up my heart to what it means to really follow Him - to serve widows, orphans, the poor, the sick - even when you feel incompetent and useless. In God’s Kingdom, that feeling of uselessness and incompetency is really the best place to be, for it is the place where Jesus finds us and asks us to be on His team.  He reveals that it is not so much about ability or doing, but about dependency on Him and being in relationship with Him.

I have thought a lot about this as a professor in the sciences. We are always on the lookout for the best and the brightest students – the ones with the “most potential.”  Which ones will go to med school or have the ability to conduct research ? Which ones will build the Kingdom of God in the sciences? But I have to wonder, who would Jesus pour into if He was a science professor in the 21^st century? Maybe He would choose the ones that struggle with calculus or the ones who can’t seem to get acid/base chemistry.

My perspective has definitely changed.  It is not the elite, the chosen, the best who build the Kingdom, but rather those who know they are nothing without God – the ones who do not depend on themselves and their abilities and skills, but the ones who depend on God to work in and through them.  It is the poor, the weak, the unskilled, the broken that Jesus chooses for His team, and through them, He changes the world -  one cup of cold water at a time, one conversation at a time, one nail at a time. And we learn it’s not a competition or a race to be successful, but an opportunity to be with Jesus and to see Him perform miracles. And we rejoice together.