Redemption

This is a special edition of my blog. My father passed away three days ago, and I have found writing about him to be very therapeutic. I hope you will indulge me as I share a few memories of him and what his life has taught me. Being so far away from home, it is difficult grieving without my family nearby, and this is my way of honoring his memory.   I will miss him so much. He was a good, kind man. He cared about others and was humble. He loved me like no one else. He was always my cheerleader in all of my endeavors, and he always wanted the best for me and my siblings.

He was not perfect, and he admitted this—he acknowledged his faults and mistakes, and by doing so, he revealed his truth strength. In this sense he was very real—he was genuine about who he was. He never pretended to be someone he was not.  He came from a difficult childhood, growing up in a dysfunctional family in the last years of the Great Depression before World War II. He grew up in a time when men did not show their emotions—instead they showed their love by providing for their families and by going to war to protect the American people. They showed their love by putting a roof over your head and food on the table.

My father had to care for his mom and younger brothers and sisters after his father died when he was 16 and his older brothers had gone to France to fight the Nazis. He quit school to work in an airplane factory in Akron, Ohio, making planes for the war effort and providing for his family. He always regretted never finishing high school, but he did what had to be done. He always valued education, constantly telling us, “Get an education, and obtain a degree or skill. You don’t want to be a bean picker all of your life like me.”

My father also had a heart for the down-and-out.  He was an alcoholic when I was growing up, and he joined AA when I was 14 and stayed sober the rest of his life. His life was transformed by the power of God to rescue. The word “redemption” is not even strong enough to describe his change. He came to recognize his faults and began to rely on God’s strength and power rather than on alcohol. He did not talk about his faith much, but I heard him say, “Jesus was the Son of God. He died for our sins and rose from the dead. I believe this.”  He loved the Lord’s Prayer and the Serenity Prayer. After joining AA he became an advocate for other alcoholics—visiting them, helping them financially, giving them food, visiting them in prison, taking them to meetings. He believed in redemption for them, because he had experienced it himself. 

My dad had a lot of regrets concerning my childhood and that of my brothers’ and sisters’. He was often at a bar or sleeping off a few drinks rather than with us, and I know he deeply regretted it. But, I also know he loved each and every one of us deeply and would have done anything he could to help us in our need, and he was very proud of all his kids. He loved us, even if he couldn't find the words to say it. He showed us love, though, in other ways—taking us fishing (how he LOVED to fish!), teaching us to change a flat tire, cooking his famous fried chicken, baking homemade bread at Christmas (“Stay out of the kitchen,  Dad is baking!”), canning dill pickles (also famous), growing a vegetable garden, taking us down to Lake Erie to watch the sunset or to swim, taking us to Canada for vacation every summer and teaching us to swim and fish in the lake. Love is not always expressed in words, but in actions.

Redemption. My father was redeemed. The drunk became sober. Selfishness was replaced by selflessness. Fear became courage. Despair became hope. Resentment became forgiveness. And now all of his regrets have become glory. Sins are forgiven, eternal life is bestowed. The Love who called him into existence has now called him home, where he will now live in a glorified body, in perfect love and perfect relationship with others. My father’s life has taught me this: no one is beyond redemption, no one is beyond forgiveness. God’s grace is available to ALL, and only by God’s grace are we forgiven, redeemed, and made whole. Our good works will never outweigh our shortcomings, but God’s grace covers them all. Now my father walks on golden streets free from pain, sorrow, and regret, free from sinfulness. He belonged to Jesus, and now he is truly free, and he is Home.

He always had a great sense of adventure, often joking he would have been a truck driver if he could have, in order to see the world. He loved to travel, and now he is on the greatest adventure of his life, exploring the wonders of eternity. In 2005 I went on a trip to the western USA with my parents to see the national parks. My father was so giddy and excited to show me these places – he was like a kid in a candy store. It gave him so much joy to see the beauty of God’s creation, I can’t wait to get to heaven and have him show me around! I thank God for my father and his life. I look forward to being reunited with him one day, for we are not like those who grieve without hope (I Thess. 4:13-14), but our hope is in Christ, the Resurrection and the Life. My father has not simply vanished or ceased to exist, nor has he “become part of the universe” – he was part of the universe since his birth – but now he is part of something far greater and far more wonderful than the mere universe – he is now united with the Source of the Universe – the God Who is Love, the God Who Forgives, the God Who Restores, the God Who is All.

When I was saved I was finally able to forgive my parents and love them. It wasn’t until I saw myself for what I am – a sinner needing forgiveness, self-centered, selfish, unforgiving, and a bitter, wounded person who needed Jesus’ blood to cleanse and heal me - that I saw my parents for who they were, too. I had an “Aha!” moment – I suddenly realized they were JUST LIKE ME – sinners, broken, not perfect, and needing to know God’s love, mercy, and grace. They were not perfect, and I could NOT expect them to be. God flooded my heart with compassion for them that day – they also needed to know about Jesus, about his unconditional love and sacrifice for THEM! I had to tell them the Good News! I know my family thought at first that I was crazy and had gone off the deep end, but I have had the joy of seeing both my mom and dad receive the love, grace, and forgiveness of God and profess belief in Christ as their Savior. If you are dealing with hurt, anger, unforgiveness, resentment, or pain – I have Good News for you: Jesus died to forgive, restore, and heal us, and to bring us together – for we are all equal at the foot of the Cross – parent, child, husband, wife, friend, enemy. Our brokenness and sinfulness is what is common to man, and the Good News is that it was never meant to be this way – and Jesus died to redeem and restore what was lost. There is forgiveness, healing, and restoration at the Cross, for ALL who will come. There is no sin too great, no shame or humiliation that is beyond his power to forgive and restore, and there is no wound too deep for him to heal. He is able, and to all He says, “Come!”

Coming out to the field was not an easy decision for me. I knew I was following Jesus, but leaving my family, especially my father, was the hardest thing I have ever done. I rested and continue to rest in the truth that although we are separated now for a little while, we will be reunited in eternity and will live together with Our Shepherd forever.  My father is now one of the “great cloud of witnesses,” and I believe if I could hear him, he would be cheering me on to finish the race strong, telling me not to give up, to share the Good News of God’s love and redemption with those around me who have never heard, because Jesus is WORTHY, because Jesus longs to spend eternity with them. Jesus is worth it, Jesus is enough. My father’s faith is now sight, and I know that he now knows that Jesus is worth all the heartache, pain, and struggle. I’m keeping my eyes on Jesus, the One Who Cannot Lie, and the JOY that is set before me. I will see my father again.

Rest in peace, my beloved Father. I know you are in the BEST PLACE, a place beyond our dreams and imagination. You are beside the River of Life, resting in the room in His mansion that he prepared especially for you. I love you, and I will see you later.

Jesus is Worth It, Jesus is Enough

I want to report to my family and friends about chapel on October 30th. God did an amazing work, and ALL the glory goes to Him and Him alone. I was merely an obedient servant today, an empty vessel for Him. My message was about abandoning our lives to God and surrendering all we have and are to Him, and that Christ is worth it and Christ is enough. He is worth it and He is enough because He is Creator, He is the Good Shepherd, He is the Lamb of God Who Takes Away the Sins of the World, He is the Resurrection and the Life, and He is Holy. The American Dream is NOT Christ's Dream for the Church! Jesus is Alive and we, too, shall rise again! We can live lives of self-denial - abandoned and surrendered to Our Great and Holy God who called us from nothingness into existence, who provides for us, protects us, and stays with us, who died for us and rose again. He is Holy and is worthy of all of our love and devotion. BE ALL HIS!

 

The Holy Spirit took over part way through the talk - I memorized the talk, but at a certain point the words just flowed out of me and it was all Him. At points I was standing outside of myself watching myself preach. It was all Him. I offered an altar call, and invited people to repent, to abandon, and to surrender to God. My dear sister in Christ, Karli Saner, came up and sang "Though You Slay Me," and "Christ is Enough for Me." About 150 students, faculty, and staff came to the altar and filled the aisles.  Our new president and his wife, Gregg and Tammy Chenoweth, were the first people to come to the altars. People were weeping and crying out to God. God poured out His Spirit on us. We spent the next 1.5 hours in prayer, worship, and listening to testimonies. This was a day for the Holy Spirit. I feel so humbled and blessed that He would use me to preach the gospel and to touch so many lives. May God receive all the praise and glory and may He continue to pour out His Spirit on Bethel and continue to break us and draw us to Himself. He is All, and He is worthy of all our praise and devotion. May we desire HIM and want Him and His holiness more than anything else. Come, Holy Spirit!

 

Here is the link to the chapel archives if you would like to hear or see the message:

http://www.cars.bethelcollege.edu/studentlife/chapel/archives/

I Remember

I go to the Good Friday service to remember. I want to remember. I want to see The Cross again. Not the sanitized cross, the one without a body hanging on it. I want to see The Cross. I want to kneel there and remember. Remember that this was torture, this was pain, this was sacrifice.

I kneel there and I see Him, the Son of God. This is not the cleaned-up Jesus that is usually depicted hanging on the Cross. No, this is the brutalized and bloodied Jesus, the One who was shredded by the cat-o-nine-tails as He was flogged until He was senseless. This is the exhausted, dehydrated Jesus. The Jesus who was beaten and mocked, who had His beard torn out. This is the Jesus who hangs in agony and torment, covered in blood, sweat, and dirt, surrounded by flies, baking in the hot Israeli sun. I remember. And I cling to that Cross, that cruel instrument of torture, and I let His blood run over me.

I see His twisted body, spread eagle and immobilized by the nails piercing His hands and His feet. I imagine the shame, the humiliation. I hear Him gasping for breath. I try to imagine what it must be like to die agonizingly by asphyxiation, suffocating slowly, unable to expire. I try to imagine what it must feel like to have every nerve ending exposed to wind and sun and sand, as layers of flesh were ripped off by the flogging, leaving every pain receptor bare to the elements.

I see His head, his beautiful, splendid head, now with thorns crammed into the brow. His head - beaten and swollen, unrecognizable. Jesus, You are the Perfect One, The Holy One of God. You alone, of all humanity, never rebelled against the Father. You alone. You alone could be the Lamb of God, the sacrifice for the sins of the world. You did this for me. My sin. I sent you to that hill, I drove in the nails, my sin held You there. I remember.

I hear You cry, “I thirst.” O Jesus, do You thirst for water, or do You thirst for Your Father who has forsaken You? You alone are The Obedient One. You alone always obeyed the Father, and You obeyed Him in death, becoming nothing, and willingly became the sacrifice for the sins of the world. It was Your Love for Him that led You to the Cross. You died so He could spend eternity with us, with me. I remember.

I hear you gasp and cry out, “It is finished.” The Great Tragedy has ended. The sorrow that began in the Garden of Eden is over. Sin has been atoned for. Death is defeated. Satan is vanquished. The fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil is replaced by another tree, another Fruit, The Tree of Life. The sin of the first Adam is forgiven because of the sacrifice of the second Adam. I remember.

This is The Cross I want to remember. I do not want a sanitized cross, a cross without a body, a cross without blood and gore and dirt and sweat. I want to remember. I want to remember that this was a sacrifice. A sacrifice. It was suffering, it was horrifying, and -  it was Love.

I need to remember. We need to remember. The Church. We are His Body. Are we willing to suffer and die for the world as Our Savior, as Our Master did? Are we willing to carry our cross and become like Him? I want a Church that remembers. That follows. Not a clean, happy church that just wants to feel good about itself, with nice, neatly organized little Sunday services with songs and messages that make us feel good about ourselves, not a church that wants to stay safe and secure and comfortable, but a Church that is willing to follow Jesus to Golgotha. A Church that is willing to suffer so that the world may know they have Savior, that they have a Father who loves them and wants to be reconciled to them. A Church that remembers that our salvation was bought at a price. That remembers we were ransomed. A Church that remembers that “grace is not cheap (Dietrich Bonhoeffer).” Grace is costly. It cost Jesus His life, it cost the Father His Son. The grace that covers me, that covers you, that gives us eternal life, is not cheap. It is not a trinket. It is a costly gift - a pearl of great price. A treasure hidden in a field. It cost God everything. I want a Church that is willing to give everything, because He gave everything.

I need to remember. I need to see Love hanging on that tree so that I do not become complacent, so that I do not seek out the easy life, the life that is without suffering or pain. I need to remember that following Jesus is about obedience, about love, about sacrifice, about giving away your life for the sake of others. A life of grit, and dirt, and tears, and sweat, and exhaustion, and heartache, of giving yourself away, as He did for us. I need to remember, so that I have the courage to follow and to seek and to ask for the power to die as He did.

O God, I pray, keep me from a complacent life, an easy life. Teach me to love as You loved, to obey as You obeyed, to serve as You served, to become nothing as You became nothing. Give me strength to take up my cross and to follow You and to love those You send to me, to the very end. Save me from my Self, teach me to die so that I may truly live. Revive Your Church. Remind us. Renew us. Sanctify us. Send us.

I remember. May I never forget.

I said “Yes”

As a professor at a Christian college, I have seen many students get engaged and marry soon after they graduated from college. I can’t tell you the number of times I have seen the phrases, “She said ‘Yes’!” or “I said ‘Yes’!” on facebook updates.  This has started me thinking about what it means to say ‘Yes’ to our ultimate spouse, Jesus Christ.

When you say ‘Yes’ in marriage, you are giving up your rights to yourself, and you are no longer solely your own. You now belong to the other. All of your decisions will now be in partnership with your spouse. Where they go, you will go. In trial and in tragedy, in rejoicing and in celebrating, everything will now be done with the other person.

Jesus invites us into this same relationship with Him. He invites us into a relationship of oneness with Him, of knowing Him intimately and of sharing His heart, of going where He will go, of sharing His triumphs and His sorrows. 

I can’t help but wonder sometimes if the American Christian church has somehow missed this. Many I see graduating seem to have bought into the idea that the Christian life means getting married, buying a house in a nice, safe suburb with good schools, having children, working until your 65 and then enjoying retirement.  Their spiritual life is primarily going to church on Sundays, maybe attending a Bible study, and occasionally participating in outreaches, like giving food to the homeless and needy. I wonder: is this the marriage we are supposed to have with Jesus? Is this the” abundant life” that He calls us to? To me, the American ideal seems more like Jesus’ nightmare. He told us, “Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it (Mark 8:35).”  He also said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must DENY themselves and take up their cross and follow me (Mark 8:34).”  Jesus’ dream is that we give our lives completely away for His sake and for the sake of His Good News – an absolute and complete surrender of ourselves to Him. And that surrender includes everything – our family, our friends, our possessions, our safety, our security, and all of our rights.

I want to be a follower of Jesus, who, when I reach eternity, will hear Jesus say with joy, “She said YES!”

I want to be able to say, “I gave everything for Jesus – my plans, my career, my family and friends, my possessions, my dreams , my hopes – all for Jesus.”  In reality, I said “Yes” to Jesus a long time ago, and when I said “Yes,” I gave up all rights to my Self. When I asked Him to be the Lord and Savior of my life, I turned myself over to Him. I later re-confirmed that commitment to Him on several occasions. Most recently, on December 31, 2012, I stood at the Urbana Student Missions conference and said I would commit my life to long-term missions – doing whatever it takes to bring the hope, light, grace, and love of Christ to unreached people.

Making a commitment like this is serious. I often have doubts. Will I be faithful? Do I have it in me to fulfill this commitment? What will my family think? Do I have enough courage? Will I find people to support me? Recently during a time of prayer I was praying about dying to my Self and leaving everything, and God very clearly spoke to my heart, “Jesus had to die to Himself to become man and to become nothing, to die on the Cross for you. He had the power to die and so do you. He had the power to become nothing and so do you.”  The Father has put His Spirit in me, and I have the same power to die as Jesus did. It is Christ living in and through me, it is His power in me that allows me to deny myself and follow Him.  Ultimately, I know that Jesus, living in me, will give me the faith and courage to follow through on this commitment. He has promised to fill me with His Spirit who will guide me, come alongside me, and encourage me. I know I am never alone, and I never will be alone. And, I know He is worth it. He is worth everything.

You never really know the depths of your idolatries until God calls you to something like this. An idol is anything in which we find our value or significance or identity other than Jesus Christ. I have found myself mourning over the loss of so many things – so many idols – my career and job that I love, my friendships, my possessions, my comfort, even silly things like my kayak and trout fishing! But Jesus keeps reminding me of His words to His disciples: “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.  But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first (Matthew 19:29-30).”  He keeps speaking to my heart: “I, Jesus, said this. Do you believe Me? Do you trust Me?”  Ultimately, it is all about trust and faith – faith in the One who promises eternal life. However, following Jesus and giving up everything is not about the reward – it is about Him. HE is the reward.  “We follow Jesus FOR Jesus (David Platt).”  Just like in a marriage relationship, you marry the other because you love them and want to be WITH them, not for anything else.  Jesus is the ultimate bridegroom. And, He is worth saying “Yes” to. When He invites us to follow Him, He invites us to be with Him, to live our lives with Him, in oneness with Him and the Father. He is worth giving up all of our dreams, plans, and hopes – because He is Ultimate Reality, He is All, He is Love, and He keeps His promises. HIS dream is worth a billion American dreams, and His dream is that none should perish.

I will follow Him.

I said “Yes!”

 

 

The Goal

Well, I am long over-due for a blog posting. I have been on a sort-of-self-imposed hiatus the past few months.  There are several reasons for this, but I think the main reason is that God has been calling me to go deeper with Him and to practice the disciplines of silence and hiddenness, in order to teach me more about abiding in Him and sharing in His oneness. At the beginning of the summer, I believed God was calling me to go deeper in the ministry of intercession, but as the season progressed I found myself more and more contemplating abiding in Him, remaining in the vine as His little branch, and seeking the oneness with Him that Jesus promises in John 15-17.  I now understand that God was preparing me for true intercession through this time of learning about abiding and oneness in Him. How can we pray as Jesus prays, Our Great Intercessor, unless we are one with Him in mind, soul, and spirit?

Half way through the summer, the Lord gave me two prophetic dreams, each about one week apart.  They were so intense I woke up from them and could not go back to sleep but could only pray and seek His face. Both were about a wedding. In the first dream, I was at my parents’ home where I grew up, and we were getting ready to go to my wedding. The only thing I was concerned about was finding my shoes. I was just obsessed with finding the shoes, to the point that I couldn’t remember what time the ceremony started, and I was pretty nonchalant about it (“Oh well, we’ll be late, we can cancel if we need to. Where are my shoes?” And I totally had the time wrong! What bride does not know what time the wedding starts?)  The main thing I realized after I woke up was that I had no idea who I was marrying and was unconcerned about him.  I wasn’t even that excited about the wedding.  As I talked to others about this dream and prayed about it, two interpretations became obvious. First, the dream is, in some ways, about the state of the church.  We are majoring in the minors. Instead of being concerned about Our Groom and seeking oneness with Him, we are self-centered and focused on less-important things. Second, as I prayed through this dream the Lord showed me that it was about my own spiritual formation to Christlikeness and my own sanctification. Do I want God? Do I want oneness with Him? Or am I still self-focused and concerned about what the world thinks about me rather than what God thinks about me and wants of me? Am I still trying to be in control of my sanctification (as if un-holy me could actually sanctify myself)? Or am I willing to trust God to draw me into oneness with Himself and to keep me “hidden in Christ in God?” Do I trust that it is His work, that HE is faithful, that HE will do it?

As I prayed through this dream and all God was showing me, He gave me a second dream. In this dream, it was the night before my wedding, and in this dream the Father of the Groom came to see me, just me, and he gave me a gift – a wedding dress for me to wear. It was a very simple, short, white linen dress with some vines embroidered on it in shades of green. It was not fancy – nothing at all like what the world considers a beautiful or appropriate wedding gown. The dream was totally opposite the first one in emotion. In the first, the whole affair seemed tainted, gaudy, imperfect, just a show for the world, and a complete act of self-centeredness on my part. In the second dream, the encounter was perfect, and I knew the moment was pure, holy, and sacred. The focus was not on me, but on the one who stood before me and on the groom. The second dress was life-giving, a symbol of holiness and purity, whereas the first dress and the shoes were a representation of the shallowness and un-holiness of the world and what the world considers important. In the second dream I had no need for shoes – for my entire focus was on the Groom and His desires and being perfect for Him and Him alone.  What the world thought about me was insignificant and did not matter.  The interpretation of this dream came from the Lord a few days later in a time of solitude and silence.  The Father showed me that He was the Father of the Groom, and that the gift He was offering me was to be clothed in the Holy Spirit as preparation for oneness with the Son, and through the Son, oneness with the Father. God was showing me that unity with Him is a gift, it is not something we can earn or can work towards. We simply must surrender to Him and accept His sanctification as a pure, holy, offering.  I also saw how God simply delights in offering us this beautiful gift of Himself. His desire is that we would be conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29) and that we would be one with Him (John 17).  I also saw that this oneness with God,  finding our holiness and purity with Him, was the greatest aim, the most important goal of our existence. Once you have encountered God like this, nothing and no one else will do. He is All, and all your longing and desire is for Him.

Just think on this, take time to contemplate the truths that Jesus speaks about in John 15-17. We are invited into the dance of the Trinity – to literally be one with God Himself.  The word Jesus uses for this oneness is perechoresis which literally means “to dance within or to whirl within.” The Father, Son, and Spirit invite us into this dance – to be their bride and to be one with them in mind, heart, soul, and spirit. What a thought! This Holy God, this Author of Grace, this Source of All Goodness, the Purest Love, the One who defines Himself as Love, invites us - poor, wretched, fallen sinners - to be one with Him through the blood of the Lamb, which not only saves us, but also sanctifies us. When I think of this, I just want to fall to my knees, place my face on the ground, and offer all of myself to Him in complete and absolute surrender. What a holy and awesome God we have, to love us THIS much! 

A couple of weeks ago I was at worship at Bethel, and the Lord spoke to my heart once again, “Your goal has been revival, but it should have been Me. I AM the Goal.”  I stood in adoration and silence before Him. He was right. The Goal is God. Oneness with Him. Abiding in Him. Christ in us, the Hope of glory.  Revival is just one means to lead us towards this one goal.  It is not that we shouldn’t pray for revival, but the one thing for which we must pray and set our hearts is oneness with Him - to have His very character and heart formed in us, to desire and want Him above all things, to desire to be clothed in Him and to walk as His Beloved in purity and holiness, abiding in Him every moment, having Christ manifest Himself through us as we live solely for Him. 

Come Holy Spirit, invite us into the dance of the self-giving love of the Trinity, and give us the desire to surrender wholly to You, to be yours and yours alone.  Give us, O Christ, the desire to have your very mind and heart formed within us. Draw us into yourself that we may be hid in Thee and love Thee with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. You are All, and may we long for Thee as the deer pants for water. Give us the courage and strength to reject the world’s ways and to deny ourselves so that we may be wholly yours, and yours alone.  Keep us, O Divine Father, in the Vine. Prune us and tend us so that we may bear fruit that brings glory to Your Holy Name. Grant us the faith to trust you to do the work in us and through us. Teach us true humility and true holiness, that we may be one with Christ. May we not be self-seeking, but ever seeking after You, for You, and You Alone, are the Goal of all.

Love, Choice, the Church, and Chik-fil-A

I put this on facebook last week but have not had time to bring it to the blog until today.

The Chik-fil-A controversy has led me to some reflection over the last few days. First, I want to admit that I was caught up in the hype. Personally, the only thing that upset me was the boycott of the chain based on their beliefs. We live in a capitalistic country, which means we have always based our economy on FREE ENTERPRISE, and we have based our purchasing on the highest quality products at the best prices. Period. I think it would be hypocritical for me to boycott CFA because of their stance on marriage and then go down the street and buy food from an Italian Catholic , or to buy produce from an Amish farmer, or to buy falafel from a Muslim, who all believe the same thing (I just don't know it because I have not asked). Are we going to develop an economy that is totally pro-gay marriage and one that is not? Our country simply could not function that way, and I personally do not have the time to ask every owner of every establishment what they believe and what causes they support. And I know no one who does. No one.

I also became deeply disturbed as I saw all the lines at CFA yesterday in support of the chain's stance on gay marriage. It made me sick really, and I will admit that I cried. I cried because God's people were not acting like God's people. God's people act out of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, not out of PRIDE. That's right - pride - I did not say hate. I do not think all those people hate gays, but I also do not think they were acting in love. They were acting out of the desire to be right - which is pride, and which is the opposite of love as defined in 1 Cor. 13.:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Cor. 13: 4-7

Regardless of our feelings, we Christians need to begin to respond out of a spirit of love and compassion. We need to stop being so quick to get on the band wagon before we have all the facts, and above all we need to spend time praying and seeking God so that we know and understand HIS heart. I wonder how many people actually stopped and prayed and asked God if they should go to Chik-fil-A yesterday? Only by seeking God and asking Him to reveal Himself and His character to us will we be transformed to live and to be like Christ in this world. I saw thousands of people yesterday, and I don't think they were acting very much like Christ, who went to the Cross and died for the whole world and NEVER opened His mouth. He was the example of true holiness and humility as the Lamb of God, and we are to be like Him. Like I mentioned in my status, I was also disgusted, because I hold prayer meetings all the time, and usually I can only get 5-6 people to show up, but yet yesterday thousands turned out for this. What? You will support a fast food chain and wait in line for hours, but you will not take time to pray ONCE A MONTH FOR ONE HOUR? Seriously? It makes me sick. I am being real here. The church needs to wake up and start focusing on God and not the world. We need to seek Him and stop getting so caught up in worldly politics. The church fights its battles on its knees. The reason the church does not pray is because it does not want God - it wants to be right (there's that pride again rearing its ugly head) - and because people lack the faith to believe that God really IS all-powerful and all-good and REALLY WILL answer prayers prayed in HIS WILL. We need faith, church. It is time to WAKE UP!

I also want to say this about Christians being involved in politics and about America as a "Christian country." As far back as I can tell from the Bible, God has always given people choices: to love Him or to hate Him, to follow Him or to walk away, to accept Him or to deny Him. God has always given this choice and will continue to do so until the final judgement. The Church, as the Body of Christ, DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE THIS CHOICE AWAY FROM PEOPLE. Only God will have the final say. He even gave this choice to the Israelites, His chosen people and treasured possession: “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19

We have a choice to love and follow God or not. God makes it clear that He is a Jealous God, and that to love Him means we will obey Him. Some people have chosen another path. That is their right. We live in a secular country that guarantees freedom of religion. Thus, we do not have the right to impose our beliefs on others, whether they are gay, straight, Muslim, Wiccan, Pagan, Atheist, Buddhist, or Hindu. Last time I checked, our government was "by the people, for the people," and that means that the majority will pass the laws they want. Sometimes we will not like it. Previously the federal government out-lawed gay marriage. We may not like it, or we may like it, but our chosen form of government has decreed it, and we must follow that legislation whether we agree with it or not. Along with this, I think the Church needs to understand that it IS SEPARATE from the government. Jesus did not change the world using politics, He changed the world by loving one person at a time and by dying on the Cross and rising from the dead. Jesus did not tell us to go out and form our own country, He told us to go out and tell the world about Him and His love and His death and resurrection. How many of those people yesterday at Chik-fil-A have shared their faith this month or fed the hungry, clothed the naked, visited the sick and those in prison? Jesus did not tell us to protest, but He did tell us to do all those other things. I don't know how much CFA made yesterday, but wouldn't it be wonderful if they donated that money to an organization that fights to end poverty? That brings clean water and sanitation to the 2-3 BILLION people in the world that need it? What if all those people used their cash to help save an orphan in Africa instead of pridefully saying to the gay community, "We do not accept you. You are not welcome?" Yes, I know people will say that was not the intent, but that was indeed the message that was sent to the gay community. They heard "We hate you." Even now, I am starting to cry just thinking about how hurt and wounded my gay friends are because of yesterday.

Lastly, I want to say this to the Church. Our battle is NOT against FLESH AND BLOOD. It is against the ONE enemy of us all - Satan - and his forces of darkness. Instead of attacking the masses of hurting humanity, we should be on our knees praying against Satan and his forces and interceding for the world that God loves. The church has been majoring in the minors. We need to pray and confront the Enemy, not other people, and we need to spend more time seeking God and seeking to know and understand His heart. He is a holy God who is perfect and beautiful and good and loving, and He longs to spend eternity with EVERY person He has created. As His followers, we are to tell others about this great God and His love and holiness, but we cannot do that accurately or correctly unless we are praying, interceding, and studying the word of God and are filled with His Holy Spirit. The CHURCH needs revival, not the nation. Revivals are always for the Church. God wants us to want HIM and to know Him, and from that place of abiding in Him, to allow Christ to manifest Himself to the world through us. We need to stop wasting time focusing on politics and start spending our time on our knees and loving others.

To my gay friends and relatives: I am sorry about yesterday. I am sorry you have been hurt by the church. Please know that God loves you and has a plan for you, that Jesus died FOR YOU, just as you are, and He longs for relationship with you. Please do not judge Jesus by His followers. We are sinners, too. We are filled with pride, contempt, envy, and lust, too. We are not perfect and we often get it wrong. Yesterday was an epic FAIL for the church. May Jesus bless you abundantly and may you know His love, kindness, and compassion.

Grace, and a Child of God

This is the eulogy I gave for my mom's memorial service yesterday.

Grace, and a Child of God

Usually at funerals you hear eulogies that speak of all the things a person did in their life, their likes and their dislikes, and funny stories about them.  As I was considering what to share about my mom, I started thinking about the word ‘identity.’ What gives a person their identity? Their actions? Their words? Their interests? Their education? Their DNA? Their career?  I would like to suggest that our identity is MORE that all these things, for when we pass away, all these things are left behind. So, what makes us who we are? What gives us our true identity?  For my mom, I know she found her identity - her true identity - in one thing – she was created by God and was His own. She was a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ.

Mom loved to sew, to cook, to read. She was fanatical about keeping the kitchen clean. She loved gardening and watching birds. She was a wife, mother, grandmother, and aunt – but she was more than all of those things.  One of the most memorable days of my life was August 1, 2000.  On that day I listened to my mom stand up and share her story before she was baptized. She was 72 years old, and she wanted to declare before the whole world her identity – that she had chosen to follow Jesus, that she was buried and resurrected with Him in baptism.  If you knew my mom well, you know she was terrified of water.  She was so afraid of drowning. When we were kids and we would go to Canada every summer, she would make us wear these ski belts 24-7 because she was sure we would fall in the lake and drown until we learned to swim (we hated those things!).  But yet, here she was, at the age of 72, willingly being baptized by immersion. Why? Why would she choose to do that when she had already been baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church?  I think I can say with confidence that Mom chose to do this because she finally understood GRACE.  It’s a concept most people, including many of us raised Catholic, do not understand.  I confess, that as a child I never understood the words to the hymn “Amazing Grace.”  What is this grace that Mom discovered?  The simplest definition is “gift.”  Sometimes it is defined as “unmerited favor.”  In other words, it is getting something YOU DO NOT DESERVE. It is getting something YOU DID NOT EARN. 

You see, in Mom’s testimony, she told how she never felt good enough, that God could not possibly love or accept her, like she never fit in – even in a family of 10 children she felt alone and unwanted.  As an adult, those feelings continued – especially when we moved to Euclid from Akron.  There she felt like she could never be good enough, like she would never fit into her new home and community. But then, she learned about grace – God’s gift of His love, His forgiveness, His mercy, His desire for her – and God’s gift of eternal life through Jesus  Christ. She learned that God loved her so much, He was willing to become man, live a perfect life, and die on the Cross and rise from the dead for her.  We sing a song in our chapel at Bethel College, and part of it says, “There is a love forgetting my failures, there is a hope that’s setting me free.”  Mom found that love, that hope. She knew that through Jesus she was forgiven – that all of her failures were forgotten, that all of her mistakes were erased by Jesus’ blood.  She finally realized that GRACE is a GIFT.  There was NO TEST TO PASS, NO GRADE TO EARN.  All of her F’s in life were turned into A’s.  A’s of acceptance, approval, adoption, amazement, and adoration.

Mom was not perfect, and she would not want me to stand here and say she was. She had learned humility.  She knew she wasn’t always the best wife, mother, grandmother, or daughter – and she regretted those things.  In her final years, she was trying to become more like Jesus - she desperately wanted to be like Him. But, with all of her failures, she now found joy, hope, and peace.  Her F’s were turned into A’s.  She knew she was ACCEPTED by God just as she was – He would NEVER reject her. She was APPROVED by Him. She knew the Christian life was not about being good, about following rules, about winning God’s approval – she knew she was approved not because of her good works, but because of Jesus’ sacrifice.

She also knew she was ADOPTED by God.  We are all spiritual orphans, but through trust in Christ, God gives us the right to be called His children.  In Romans 8:15-17, it says this, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Adoption, and by Him we cry, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are God’s children, then we are also heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.”

In the Roman world, people did not adopt babies and children like we do now – they adopted adults so that they could have someone carry on their family name and receive their inheritance. In other words, what Paul is saying here is that my mom was adopted by God the Father and received a new identity in Christ. She became a member of His family with all the rights and privileges of a natural born son. The laws regarding adoption in Rome also gave the person such a new identity that they had all of their former debts forgiven.  They literally were a new person with a new identity.

For those adopted by God, this means we, too, have a new identity  - we are His children and co-heirs with Christ.  We receive the same inheritance as Jesus and all of our sins are forgiven.  So, as someone who was accepted, approved, and adopted by God, Mom could be nothing less than AMAZED at His grace, His love, and His forgiveness.  This amazement also led to ADORATION.  She loved to worship Jesus.  She wasn’t perfect, she made many mistakes, but through Christ she finally knew she BELONGED, that she was LOVED, that she was FORGIVEN, that she was being made NEW.

A few years ago I was at a conference when a speaker asked us to spend 5 minutes in silence and contemplation.  During that time God gave me a vision of Jesus standing and holding my 80-year old mother.  Her back was to me, and He was looking at me, and the look in His eyes was FIERCE.  He was holding her tightly and his eyes said, “She is MINE.  I AM jealous for her. I always protect my own.”  I told Mom about this vision, and she cried and thanked me. It was  assurance for her that she was HIS OWN.  Her identity is this: She was God’s, His child. Now she is with Him for eternity, worshipping the Savior she so loved.  We are going to listen to a song that Mom loved. I used to watch her close her eyes and raise her hands over her head when she sang this song. She was AMAZED by God’s Love. He was her King, and she adored Him.

My hope and prayer is that we will learn from my mom’s life that WE ARE LOVED.  There is NO TEST TO PASS. We are FORGIVEN, ACCEPTED, and APPROVED by Him.  Through Christ, God adopts us and makes us His own.  May Mom’s life be a reminder to us that our identity is more that our interests, our actions, and our labels.  Our identity stays with us for eternity.  From before time God whispers to us, “I love you. You are My own. You are My Beloved.”

Heaven is not full of ‘perfect’  people.  It is full of prostitutes, drug addicts, alcoholics, tax collectors, and other imperfect people. But they all have one thing in common:  they believed and trusted in Christ’s sacrifice for them, and they exchanged their old identity for the Spirit of Adoption. They are His, and they share in His glory.  Mom is now with them, rejoicing forever.

In 1 Corinthians 13 we are given a depiction of God’s eternal love – of how HE loves US.  It is an exhortation by Paul to his people to be people of LOVE.  It is familiar to many: “Love is patient, love is kind, it is not rude, it does not boast. It always trusts, hopes, perseveres.  It never fails.”  Paul tells us that one day we will be perfect, but for now we see through a glass darkly. I used to tell Mom that my great hope of heaven was not mansions or streets of gold, or even the River of Life, but rather, my great hope of heaven is that there we will be perfect – we will have perfect love and perfect relationships. We will KNOW as we are known.  I look forward to the day I will be with Mom and other loved ones in heaven where we will love one another perfectly and forever.

No Great Thing

I recently asked my Facebook friends to respond to the question, “What is the best thing you have ever done with your life?”  Only 5 people responded, which surprised me. Do people not think about their lives and what they have done?  I asked the question because I have been pondering a statement made by Mother Teresa: “You can do no great thing, only small things with great love.”  On a recent trip to Kenya, I had the opportunity to do many small things in order to show love to Kenyans, and the trip made me start thinking about the “best” moments of my life.  For me, they really are the moments where I was simply a vessel for God’s Spirit to show love to others. 

The first moment that came to mind was simply sitting on the floor across from a beautiful young Tajik woman and talking to her about Jesus, sharing my story with her and listening to hers. It was no great thing to do this – but it was a moment where Christ was living in and through me (I call these ‘sanctified’ moments). Within a year this young lady was calling Jesus her Savior and Lord, and all I did was eat lunch with her and tell her about Him. No great thing. In my last blog I talked about sharing with Martha, the elderly lady in Alabama, that God loves her and is with her. No great thing.

Last year for my mom’s 83^rd birthday I bought her something she always wanted but which I had vowed I would never buy – a gazing ball for her garden.  Yes, I have a very strong aversion to lawn ornaments, especially gazing balls! But, the Lord spoke to my heart and reminded me that it’s not about me, and that this would be a tangible way to show my mom how much I really loved her. Hence, I bought her the biggest bright red gazing ball I could find.  Mom loved it and put it in her flower bed.  Hopefully every time she looked at it she remembered how much I loved her. I lost my mom on April 15^th, and I am so thankful I listened to the prompting of the Spirit and bought her what she wanted before she passed away.  No great thing.

In Kenya I had the chance to hold a couple of sick little girls at different times for a short amount of time – all they wanted was to be held, and perhaps, too, they were longing to be loved, to know that someone cared. I should mention that one had a damaged eye and the other peed all over my leg and had a lot of snot running down her face (all who know me know that I am pretty squeamish when it comes to such things), but I knew they just needed some comfort and compassion, and so I held them.  As I held them and prayed over them, I began to cry – and it seemed as though Jesus was weeping through me – for them, for Africa, for all those living in poverty, for all those suffering from treatable illnesses, for all those who will go to bed hungry tonight, for all the orphans without mother or father to hold them and love them.  No great thing.

So, the best moments for me – the “great” things – really have been small things done with great love – and not even my love, but Christ’s love through me. So, perhaps the only way to be truly great is to become nothing – to become an empty vessel for the Holy Spirit to fill and to pour out. Is this not what we were meant to be? Made in God’s image? Isn’t that the point of our redemption – to be like Christ and to be sanctified, allowing His Presence to live in and through us?  Truly, the moments when God shows up and lives through me are the only holy moments of my life. How I hope and pray for more of them!

How different this view is from the world’s!  When asked “What is the best thing you have ever done with your life?”  I am sure many would have expected me to say “Earned my PhD,” or “Received tenure,” or “Published scientific papers,” or “Traveled abroad,” or any number of other “accomplishments.”  But really, those things pale into insignificance in comparison to those moments when Jesus lives through me.  Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”  I am learning that the only way to be great, to do anything of consequence, is to simply abide in Him moment-to-moment, becoming nothing so that He is All.  All of my own trying or striving to be great, to make a name for myself, means nothing and will not bear fruit that lasts. 

May I live my life in reckless abandonment to the One Who Became Nothing (Phil. 2:7) so that He may live in me and love others greatly through me. Truly His Presence living in us is the only way to holiness.

“You can do no great thing, only small things with great love.”

The Least of These

The least of these.

Have you ever felt unwanted?  Have you ever been the last one chosen for a team?  Have you ever felt like you were incompetent and worthless?  I can honestly say I have felt all these things in the last few weeks.  It really started out from feeling unwanted to participate in an activity planned by others, but it ended with me feeling incompetent yet grateful for my incompetency.  I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. 

Over spring break I had the opportunity to travel to Birmingham, Alabama with a team of students to help with tornado relief.  There God turned upside down (actually right side up) my understanding of what it means to build the Kingdom of God and what it means to be a leader in the Kingdom.  These students were not the “elite.” We were not the most intelligent, the most gifted, the most knowledgeable, the most equipped team in the world.  Most of us had never done any kind of construction work before. ( I honestly confess that I usually do not volunteer for “service” mission trips because I feel so inadequate and useless.)  However, I learned through this trip that these are EXACTLY the kind of leaders that God is looking for to build His Kingdom.  Why?  Because in order to succeed in our mission, we needed complete dependence on God. We couldn’t rely on our abilities or skills, but simply had to trust him. 

At one point in the trip I had the opportunity to talk to an elderly lady named Martha.  It was while we were tearing off and replacing a roof on a house.  I was feeling pretty useless and inadequate regarding construction (primarily because I did not feel safe on the roof of the house), so I started talking to Martha.  Martha shared with me how she lost her home to the tornado and was now living with her daughter and son-in-law.  As she spoke through her tears, it was easy to discern that she felt unloved, unwanted, and overlooked.  It broke my heart, and I encouraged her and promised her I would pray for her – I told her she was not alone, that Jesus loved her and would not leave her, and that now she has a sister in Indiana praying for her, too.  I was the one in tears before we finished talking. One of the reasons I started to cry was because I realized Martha was “one of the least of these” that Jesus talks about in Matthew 25: “Whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done for me.”  It was the most sanctified moment of my life – I knew it was all Jesus living in me and through me and reaching out to this lonely widow, it was not me at all.  This experience gave me a greater understanding and desire to be more aware of those around me who may be one of the least of these.

After the trip I realized I needed healing from lies that I believed about God, myself, and the world, and so I did some theophostic prayer ministry on myself.  God took me back to a memory I had as a child of wanting to play kickball with a group of kids from my school. It was obvious they did not want me to play with them, and they were mean to me.  I realized that in this situation I believed the lies that I was unwanted and worthless and overlooked, despite my abilities and skills (yes, I was pretty good at kickball J).  I asked Jesus to show me the truth about these beliefs.  What he showed me rocked my world and completely changed my point of view.  I had a vision of Jesus taking me to the side and saying, “I want you on my team, but you must understand that my team is not made up of the best, the elite. If this was a baseball team, my team would be made up of the slowest runners, the weakest hitters, the worst fielders.  I would have the slowest runner be my lead-off man.  My weakest hitter would bat clean-up. The worst fielder would be the short-stop. The one with the worst aim would be the pitcher.  My team is made up of the outcasts, the misfits, the incompetent, the least of these.  And it is through the least of these that I build my Kingdom.  Why?  Because they are God-dependent. They know they have no chance of success unless I do the work in and through them.  God receives the glory, and they rejoice with me.  The world’s view success is backwards...it is not the powerful, popular, and successful that I am looking for to build my Kingdom, but the least of these.  They also know that the game is not really a competition – it is not about winning.  It is a chance to be together, to enjoy one another, to build relationships.  It is the same way in my church.  It is not about winning, but about loving one another and rejoicing together. I am not looking for the best and the brightest, but the weakest and the humblest…the least of these. Come, join my team.”

This encounter with Jesus radically changed me and opened up my heart to what it means to really follow Him - to serve widows, orphans, the poor, the sick - even when you feel incompetent and useless. In God’s Kingdom, that feeling of uselessness and incompetency is really the best place to be, for it is the place where Jesus finds us and asks us to be on His team.  He reveals that it is not so much about ability or doing, but about dependency on Him and being in relationship with Him.

I have thought a lot about this as a professor in the sciences. We are always on the lookout for the best and the brightest students – the ones with the “most potential.”  Which ones will go to med school or have the ability to conduct research ? Which ones will build the Kingdom of God in the sciences? But I have to wonder, who would Jesus pour into if He was a science professor in the 21^st century? Maybe He would choose the ones that struggle with calculus or the ones who can’t seem to get acid/base chemistry.

My perspective has definitely changed.  It is not the elite, the chosen, the best who build the Kingdom, but rather those who know they are nothing without God – the ones who do not depend on themselves and their abilities and skills, but the ones who depend on God to work in and through them.  It is the poor, the weak, the unskilled, the broken that Jesus chooses for His team, and through them, He changes the world -  one cup of cold water at a time, one conversation at a time, one nail at a time. And we learn it’s not a competition or a race to be successful, but an opportunity to be with Jesus and to see Him perform miracles. And we rejoice together.

"Ollie, Ollie in Free!"

On February 16, 2011 Bethel College experienced a revival - the Spirit of God touched hearts and began a transforming work in many lives. During the beginning of the revival, Dr. Lowry Mallory stood up and raised his hands and began to shout, "Repent, repent!" Some students did not respond well to this, but Dr. Mallory was correct - "Repent" means to turn around and walk in a new direction, and that is exactly what many needed to do. However, I am not convinced this was the best way to call people to repentance. Why? Because this word is misunderstood by so many. When people hear this word, they envision John the Baptist dressed in camel's hair pointing his finger at the Pharisees, or they envision fire and brimstone raining down from heaven. They feel condemned, hated, and judged. I am now on a mission to change people's view of this word.

I would like people to begin thinking of this word as an invitation. When Jesus preached his first sermon it was, "Repent, and believe the good news, for the Kingdom of God has come near." Thus, repentance is GOOD news! Jesus was essentially inviting people to a new kind of life - a life under His reign. It's like He was saying, "Turn from the way you are going - turn and come walk the way I am going. Take My hand and let Me lead you, let Me guide you through life. Come live the life you were always meant to live! Come become the person you were always meant to be! Come and learn from Me - I am GENTLE and HUMBLE in heart. My yoke is EASY. Seriously, this is the BEST way to live. In fact, I am the Light of the World, and My light is LIFE! Come and become like Me - be transformed into My Image and live an abundant, joyful life of freedom." This is repentance - an invitation to live life WITH God.

Jesus invites us to repent and be saved. The Hebrew word for 'salvation' is yesa - and it means "a broad and spacious place where there are no restrictions." God invites us to a life of freedom - not a life of constraints and fear brought on by our sin and rebellion, but a life of joyful, reckless, Spirit-filled abandonment. When I think of this kind of life, I am reminded of playing "kick the can" with my brothers on hot summer nights. Everyone would go hide except the one who was it. We'd hide in the bushes, afraid to come out, sweating in the stifling heat, swatting mosquitoes, and somewhat afraid of the coming darkness, and then when we could take our confinement no longer we'd burst out of our small and narrow space and run like mad for the can in complete reckless abandonment. You know that kind of running, every child has done it: all out, intent on one thing only - getting there first, winning the prize - and you forget you are voluntarily moving your legs and pumping your arms. All inhibitions are cast aside. You run so fast you almost trip over yourself, your body not keeping up with your heart and your head. When you reach the can you kick it with all your might, laughing for joy that you are now free, shouting, "Ollie, ollie in free!" That's what repentance and salvation is like - living life in this joyful, laughter-filled, hopeful, whole-hearted reckless abandonment to God, running towards Him and with Him with all that we have within us. It is so GOOD! It is FREEDOM!

God describes Himself as good, holy, love, light, and truth. He is 100% NOT evil. "All of His paths are loving and true for those who keep the demands of His covenant (Psalm 25:10)." He is ALWAYS good and all of His plans are good; He cannot be evil. Being 'good' does not mean He is just a 'nice guy,' a 'Jesus Buddy,' if you will. NO! It means He is not evil, He is holy, He is perfect. Thus, God always wants what is BEST and good for us. He is FOR us, not against us. He promises, "I will be with you ALWAYS, to the very end of the age." Why would we not want to turn and live with Him - with this Holy God who IS good, love, light, and truth? My sincere hope is that the word "repent" will take on a whole new meaning - as an invitation to turn and live life with God, following His guidance and trusting Him. He is All, and He is faithful.

Repent! You will never regret turning from your own way and choosing to go God's way and living life with Him. He has invited us. He wants us to want Him. Do we? I pray you'll run to Him with the same reckless abandonment as a child running for the prize.

Hidden Prayer

Hey everyone, I wanted to share with you a note I sent to some colleagues on Sept. 10, 2010. This came after I had my immersion experience with the Holy Spirit and later I started to pray "in secret." I write this to encourage everyone who has been part of the revival to seek God in solitude and silence - Our Father wants us to meet Him in secret, where He will reward us. I have found the reward is Himself, and He is so good, more than any of us can imagine. My prayer for our campus is that we would be more excited about seeking God than about talking about revival. He wants us to want HIM!  He is so GOOD! All for His Glory!  

I've been thinking about the transformation the Spirit has been working in my life since I began praying in secret. I thought I would give you a short update on the experience, if for nothing more than documentation of the Holy Spirit's power and goodness. Perhaps it may encourage you as well - and it gives me much joy to share this with you:

The more I pray in secret and seek His face, the more I simply desire to be with Him and Him alone. I have no strivings or desires other than to be with Him. He is so beautiful and good. He is sweet, and perfect, and true, and wonderful. All else fades compared to His majesty and beauty. Nothing compares to Him. I have no desire for success, no desire to be heard, or seen, or known - simply no ambition to be anything other than in His will and in His manifest Presence. I simply have no need for any of those other things anymore, for I have Him, and His grace is sufficient. I find myself turning to Him almost moment-to-moment throughout the day, desiring His Presence only, not with requests or for intercession, but simply to be in His Presence, to be with Him and to enjoy Him in joy and fellowship and love.

Today I was reading John 10:14-15: "I am the Good Shepherd; and I know My own, and My own know Me, even as the Father knows Me and I know the Father." (NASB). Isn't that beautiful? We are His own, and we know Him with the same 'knowing' that He has with the Father. Why desire anything but Him? So good.

Nothing now causes me wild alarm. Students, faculty, staff, and family come to me with their concerns and drama, and in some ways it amuses me...it's almost like it confuses me..it all seems so small and trivial compared to knowing Him, and it's like I can't seem to understand why there would ever be worry or cause for alarm or gossip or the like. (Another professor was expressing some concerns/ideas to me today, and it was like all I could hear was "blah, blah, blah, blah"). It's really a strange and a new experience for me. He is Shalom Shalom - Perfect Peace. In Him there is no fear, for perfect love drives out fear. I have never known this kind of bliss before - what a small taste of what heaven certainly shall be like - to be present with Him. What a joy divine.

It's the peace - the shalom - that has surprised me. (Maybe I should write a book like CS Lewis and NT Wright - "Surprised by Shalom" - haha). What would our world be like if all Christians rejected Satan's lies and truly believed God's Word - that He is Love, He is Good, He is Just, He is Truth, He is Faithful? So few, it seems, really truly believe these truths deep in their hearts...what a grief it must be to our Father for so many not to truly trust Him, to not believe that He always and only wants what is good and best for them.

Anyway, that's where praying in secret has led me. Very awesome. Jesus really knew what He was talking about when He told us to pray this way. The Father DOES reward us, beyond anything we can imagine! :D

Esther - A Model for Intercessory Prayer

This is what I shared in our Prayer Chapel on January 14, 2011.

These Scriptures are from the Book of Esther

Chapter 5

1Now it came about on the third day that Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the king's palace in front of the king's rooms, and the king was sitting on his royal throne in the throne room, opposite the entrance to the palace.

2When the king saw Esther the queen standing in the court, she obtained favor in his sight; and the king extended to Esther the golden scepter which was in his hand. So Esther came near and touched the top of the scepter.

Chapter 7

2And the king said to Esther on the second day also as they drank their wine at the banquet, "What is your petition, Queen Esther? It shall be granted you And what is your request? Even to half of the kingdom it shall be done."

 3Then Queen Esther replied, "If I have found favor in your sight, O king, and if it pleases the king, let my life be given me as my petition, and my people as my request;

 4for we have been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed, to be killed and to be annihilated.

Chapter 8

3Then Esther spoke again to the king, fell at his feet, wept and implored him to avert the evil scheme of Haman the Agagite and his plot which he had devised against the Jews. 4The king extended the golden scepter to Esther. So Esther arose and stood before the king.  5Then she said, “If it pleases the king and if I have found favor before him and the matter seems proper to the king and I am pleasing in his sight, let it be written to revoke the letters devised by Haman, the son of Hammedatha the Agagite, which he wrote to destroy the Jews who are in all the king's provinces. 6"For how can I endure to see the calamity which will befall my people, and how can I endure to see the destruction of my kindred?"

Commentary

Esther is a portrait of an intercessor. In ancient times, “to intercede” meant to petition the King on the behalf of others. Intercessors are not prayer warriors. Prayer warriors ride into battle with blazing eyes and swords held high, ready to route the Enemy.  Intercessors, on the other hand, put on their royal robes – they clothe themselves with Christ, and they boldly approach the King – the King who is also their Father.  They throw themselves at his feet and lay their head upon his chest and listen to his heartbeat.  From that place of divine communion, they pray the Heart of the Father into the world – His Heart that IS Love.  They know they do not deserve this honor. It is only the favor of the King – it is grace – that allows them to plead their case before Him.  They also know they are not alone, for their Great High Priest, Jesus, is kneeling beside His Beloved Bride, also interceding: “Father, how can I bear it if my people perish? How can I endure the destruction of my kindred?” From that place of communion, intercessors pray the Love of God into our wounded world through the Holy Spirit.  Intercessors are, as Mother Teresa would say, “Contemplatives at the heart of the world.”  Intercession is a Trinitarian response to the brokenness, sin, and darkness we see around us.  The Father, Son, and Spirit – Prophet, Priest, and King – in divine communion, share their heart with the intercessor who acts as an intersection point between heaven and earth, allowing the Holy Spirit to breathe life, healing, and shalom to a world desperately in need of hope.

Prayer of Intercession

O Great Father, King Divine, Grant us, we beseech Thee, Your Divine Favor.  We live in a lost and broken world, that is marked for destruction and annihilation.  How can we bear it, if our people perish?  O Great Father, pour out Your Love and Life upon us. Send your Spirit to renew, to restore, and to awaken Your People.  Please empower us by Your Spirit to preach Good News to the poor.  Heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds. Set the captives free – set free those who are imprisoned by sin and by lies – by lies of Satan, by lies of the world. Set us free by your Truth. In Your Light, we see Light. Open blind eyes, shine into their darkness and reveal yourself to them as the One Who is ALL – All they need for life, for joy, for hope, and for healing. 

Father, our world is so dark and at times we want to shield our eyes from the wounds that surround us. Please send healing in your wings, and open our eyes to see as you see, to love as you love, to forgive as you forgive, to bless as you bless. Please transform us to be like Jesus.

God, we long for your Presence. Please – please – show us your Glory. Let all of your Goodness pass in front of us. We want to be aware of Your manifest Presence surrounding us. We want to be aware of Your Holiness, Your Power, and Your Goodness. O God, it is your kindness – your kindness - that leads us to repentance. Pour out Your Kindness upon us.  Forgive our iniquity and our transgressions, and, if we have found favor in your sight, take us as Thine Own – as Thine Own -Possession.

Please, O King, we beseech Thee – we beseech Thee… for You – humble us, Adonai, as we seek Your Face. We ask, please, pour out Your Spirit upon us. Open our eyes to see You as You really are and to see ourselves as You see us. We beseech Thee, as we kneel and pray with Your Beloved Son, Our Savior, Jesus Christ. 

Amen.